Stillness

“Be true to yourself” is an all familiar quote (Don’t know who said it). How do we do that. First we, or at least this is what it takes for me, I have to have total quiet – and not just for a few minutes. I need the house to myself for a whole day. The first part of the complete day of silence is spent on just clearing out the cobwebs of my mind. This can happen only when there are no distractions – no questions directed at me, no back ground T.V. sounds, not even some one coughing, clearing their throat or even breathing in heavy sleep to remind me that I am not alone. Then slowly I can reach my inner self and take stock of the person I am. The person I am growing into and the person I want to become. It’s a slow process and it has to happen gradually without making an actual attempt – it can’t be forced or rushed.
This alone time is difficult to achieve for us retired seniors. It is hard to see the best in each other when our private space, emotional and physical, is constantly invaded – even by the person we love.
Yesterday was my rare chance of this state of silence. My husband left at 5:00 AM to go fishing with a buddy. I knew he would have a good time which enabled me to enjoy the alone time without feeling guilty for asking him to leave or ignoring his presence at times. Happy day.
Eckhart Tolle writes in “Stillness Speaks” When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose touch with the world. I find that to be so true for me.
At the end of the day, when all my soul searching, cooking and baking (I do my best thinking when I do these mundane chores) I was ready to face tomorrow and when I heard his friend’s truck pull up the driveway I ran to my sweetheart with arms wide open – both of us spoke the same words simultaneouesly “Oh, I missed you so much”. True words from the heart – but – but I had to spend time with myself before I could feel that.
I wonder if some of you, my friends have the same need ?