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PTSD

11 Jul

July is a busy month for me. It starts with one of my faforite holidays – Independence Day. And ends with my husband’s birthday (We had a nice party) and between those two we celebrated our second anniversary – at the Seven Feather’s Casino. We can do that without fear of gambling away our vast fortune, ha,ha, because neither one of us likes to play. But we did allow us a budget of $20.00 each to “have fun” with. We lost and won until we walked away happy because we were even. You ask: Why do you go to a casino as a celebration when you’re not into gambling ? Here is the answer. At our age we don’t drive in the dark any more, so a concert of any kind is not on the list of possibilities – accept at a casino where everything is under one roof. We checked into a beautiful room with an affordable price tag, were able to take advantage of entertainement, a choice of restaurants, gift shop, pool – and playing the machines without ever having to start the car after we parked it. One would think these places are established just for us seniors.
Everything went according to plan- we basked in our love for each other – and the blessing of findng each other two years ago as we took in the atmosphere of the establishment. And then “It” happened. As I looked up from my menu my eyes scanned the beautiful art work on the walls. Until the big painting came into view. The artist was no doubt accomplished since the reality of his work hit me so hard. All the familiarity of that panicky feeling. The trembling in my chest, sweaty palms, shaky hands, butterflies in the stomach, lump in my throat and an over all ominous feeling of fear. The painting consisted of an enlargement of a stretch of barbed wire fencing with a dark sky with threatening clouds in the back ground. Instantly I was transported into my childhood that consisted of barbed wire surroundings in all the camps we refugees were housed during Hitler’s Germany. The whole weight of fear rested on me now, in this friendly environment.
That is PTSD. It never goes away. I have learned to do the deep breathing exercises along with other healing measures when the sight, smell or any object or situation brings back the dreadful memories. My companions don’t know of anything unusual gong on but the threat of it happening is always there and when least expected it hits me.
Just wanted to let you know what it’s like – if you want to know the entire story read “The Chocolate Bar” by Agathe von Kampen – and let me hear from you.

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One response to “PTSD

  1. Marion Turrell

    July 11, 2014 at 9:01 pm

    Agathe’s latest blog is one of the best that I have read. Why we were at three feathers we had a good time. Since we were there for our second year of marriage we found two ring that each of us liked. So after a while we were saying that we gave each other a ring then and now we did again. Agathe said her ring had a ruby and said that it was my birthday stone and I came back that is also the month we got married.

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