Thursday, June 14th 2013

Thursday, June 14th, 2013
Yesterday was one of those “Mark the Calendar” special days.
I met Steve Liable, the publisher of the new release of the book titled “The Chocolate Bar”, the story of my life. It’s not that I’ve earned the right to focus a whole autobiography by some noteworthy success story. On the contrary, I lived through some horrifying times and survived against all odds. I guess that is noteworthy after all – it makes me a survivor – in the truest sense.
I wrote my experiences, and how they effected me, during the darkest time of my life. If you’ve read my first book “When the War is Over” you would naturally assume I am referring to WW11 where I spent the first 9 years of my life on the front lines of combat – first in The Ukraine, where I was born to German parents and then in Nazi Germany where we were transported in cattle cars by Hitler in an effort to save the Germans who had formed large Colonies under Katherine the Great and were now persecuted by the communist Government.
My suffering should have ended when, after the war ended in 1945 we, my mother, grandmother and brother finally immigrated to America to begin a new life – to pursue the American dream.
Alas, that dream was chattered when at age 16, a few months after we arrived at Ellis Island I was married off to a young man who had been diagnosed a sociopath. Thirteen years of living in an emotional hell and years of surviving on my own with two small children and no job skills landed me in a hospital in a coma after a suicide attempt.
The sadness I felt when consciousness returned to find I had not succeded is indescribable. I was discharged on the condition that I would continue with out patient psychiatric care. I returned to an empty house, feeling just as empty inside. The doctor was a very kind man and, after listening to my answers to his questions he made an early diagnosis of severe Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome dating back to my traumatic childhood. The treatment plan he subscribed was to have me right down everything I remembered from my early life and discuss it with him during our weekly visits. He was amazed how I remembered even the smallest details back to the age of 2-3.
Nine months later I was discharged. He diagnosed me as totally mental y stable but severely traumatized over a long period of time.
Writing down events in my life systematically helped me understand how many of my choices were made based on circumstances beyond my control that I had internalized to be my fault. A healthy attitude developed slowly but surely as I learned to understand how the mind can effect your actions.
The 365 hand written pages were passed from one person to another – a friend had taken it upon herself to type them up – until, one reader named Tina decided the manuscript (as people had started to refer to it ) should be published. No one was more surprised them I when a publisher picked it up and it became a book.
Now the reason for this blog: I was requested to speak in many churches and women’s groups. The books sold and the e-mails and phone calls multiplied with many questions about the details of certain events mentioned in the book.
This is what I’m trying to accomplish with this blog, now that a new release will be coming out with a new title.
I will explain the title in my next blog post – hopefully every Saturday.
My biggest problem is the computer – I hate it, hate it, hate it.
So Pleeeeese have patience with me while I try to work out all the glitches.
I hope to connect with you next week. Agathe